Saturday, April 4, 2009

Part of My Heart Left Me

It is official...part of my heart has left and is on its way to the desert. I cannot tell you the pain I feel...the ache, the emptiness. I cannot describe accurately what those last few moments of goodbye are like. It is as though your grief seems overwhelming and you want to do all you can to just stop time, but time keeps rolling on regardless of your cries to end it. The children were all heartbroken...Joel and Josiah, having held it in for so long, wept long and loudly. Joanna literally wailed. Joy, trying so desperately hard to be strong, cried the most, but the quietest. And I held it together, though always on the verge, until the final embrace when I knew that this would be the last time I would be held by my dear husband for many, many months. He left us with a deployment verse...when Jesus said in Matthew 28: "Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the age." He told us that although he is not physically with us, Jesus will always be there. He will be the father to fatherless. And although the children are not fatherless in an orphan sense, pratically speaking they will be for a while. So, my blog will continue to be expressing things that are happening around our home, but will also be to update family and friends on what is happening with hubby.

This is a picture I took out of the window of the van. These are the scenes that were all around us as loved ones said goodbye to each other. Tell your husbands how much you love them tonight. Remember those that do not have their husbands and fathers. Say a prayer for them. I will reach over to an empty pillow tonight wishing how much I could feel the steady rhythm of his heart beating next to mine. I will miss the tender touches of his hands and the gentle words that always cheer me after a long, tiring day. Nights are always the hardest. We always look forward to spending our time of the day after the children go to bed...talking about nothing, or talking about everything...just enjoying each other's company. How much we take for granted.
Lord Jesus, help the days knit us together even though the miles may separate us. We rest in You, knowing You are always near us...knowing You alone know the ache of our hearts and are the great Comforter. Give us strength during this trial and help us to see Your hand in all things. May we grow in our love for You and each other always. Protect my dear husband and give him Your power as he ministers for You. And may it seem as though the days are hastened until we will be together again. Amen.

No comments: