Friday, February 12, 2010
Waiting, Waiting, Waiting
It is funny how things can change in such a small amount of time isn't it? One of my favorite movies is Anne of Avonlea. For those of you that have seen it, can you remember the scene where Anne is sitting on the porch with Marilla near the end of the movie? I can't remember the exact quote but the conversation goes a little like this. Anne is describing how she can't help riding high on the wings of anticipation and how that feeling almost pays for the thud when things don't go as planned. Then Marilla makes the comment that she would choose to go through life without the flying and the thud. Well, true confessions here...I am a Marilla Cuthbert in that area! And yet, I find myself experiencing more thuds in these past two weeks than I care to even count. My husband is now working somewhere on the 10th or 11th let down with times and dates and planes and whatever else is keeping him from leaving the desert. It has been an emotional roller coaster for the both of us. We have soared on the wings of anticipation and hit the ground with a resounding thud day after day after day. He has called with the "sure thing this time," only to have something like this..."Well, we were supposed to come home Super Bowl Sunday but there were enough guys that didn't want to miss the ballgame so we didn't fly." Okay, don't even get me started on that one. I was always a little down on the whole sports craze...this only fuels the fire. Then there was night before last. The ABSOLUTE sure thing...so sure that my husband got rid of things he still needed there because he couldn't take it with him...so sure the plane was coming...so sure...and yet, once again at the last minute, the plane was once again diverted for some reason, some other time, and we now go on waiting, waiting, waiting. Somehow it was easier knowing that there was not this "hope" out there that it could be any day now. When it wasn't like this, I could wrap my mind around it, handle it and move on. But the way this plays with my emotions has been quite exhausting. So, we thought, okay...maybe he can come home for his 2 week visit and then go back and stay with the men until time for all of them to come home. We just want to see him. But, even that is an impossibility now. Apparently, when you have gone long enough, you can't take your R&R time. So, out of hundreds of men...my husband is like one of only three from his battalion that have yet to have time back in the states with their family. Do I know that this is under God's control? Yes, I do. Do I know He has a purpose for this? Yes, I do. Do I know He works all things for good for those that love Him? Yes, I do. But, I also know that Jesus understands our pain. Remember when Lazarus had just died? Jesus knew that this was for a divine purpose. He knew Lazarus would not remain in that grave, that he was using this very moment to show the glory of God. He knew this was for everyone's good...and yet, Jesus wept. I find that amazing and comforting! Jesus wept when He had everything under control. It was all going according to His Sovereign purpose. But yet, He understood the loss and the pain and all the human feelings that go with great disappointment. And I know and thank God that He understands mine too.