Monday, January 16, 2012

What If this is All There is?

Slipping out of bed this morning at 5:45 am for my devotional in a very quiet house was a special treat.  It has been a while since I have felt rested enough to get up at that time.  God is good.  My health has been up and down for several years now…I will feel better for a while…then take a nosedive again.  I have tried this cure and that cure, but nothing lasting.  I have been tested for most things under the sun, nothing conclusive.  I have prayed and prayed, and the Lord has given me healthier moments, but nothing lasting.  What does a Christian do with this?          

I have been angry, hurt, depressed and numb over it all.  I have compared myself with others and asked God for a reason.  I have searched scripture, confessed sin and at times, given up.  And then the thought came to me…what if this is all there is?  What if this is what God has ordained in my life?  Does He cease being a loving Father, an all-wise God, my salvation, my Jehovah-Rapha?

No, God is still God.  He is still good.  He still loves me and is working all things, even this, for my good.  Do I desire healing?  Yes, absolutely.  But, He has brought me to the point that I desire holiness more.  So now, instead of praying constantly for a miracle of health, I now pray for a miracle of righteousness.  Lord, make me holy.  Lord, if this is what it takes to accomplish that, then it will be worth it.  

Do I truly believe that I am the bondservant of God?  Because if I do, that means every area in my life…even my health.  So, for today, I thank God for this moment of energy and I realize the preciousness of it.  It is truly a gift…undeserved, special, relished.  It is the hand of a God who gives to me what I do not deserve, and I am thankful.  May these moments never be taken for granted, but I pray point me instead to the heart of my Father.  May you also thank God for the gifts He has given you today.  Oh, how much we take for granted.  Stop for just a moment today and thank God for all His gifts.  Today is all we are promised.  And may you have sweet fellowship with Him!


Ma said...

What if, indeed.

Great words and thoughts. I compare myself with others at times, too. Wishing I could've had a different lot.

Chelle said...

Great post. I pray for you almost everyday. Enjoyed reading your thoughts. I needed it. I struggle with some things too. Thanks.

Sarah said...

I'm so thankful that you still consider yourself "His bondservant", despite your on going health issues.

A wonderfully encouraging post!

Jill said...

Beautiful post! I hope you get the answers you need about your health. I know how frustrating that can be. My heart goes out to you!
Have a lovely afternoon!


Robin said...

What an encouragement this post is to me! Thank you. - Robin

Jon said...

It is interesting to read this. I of all people have many things to be grateful for. God has been extremely good to me. And yet, my health, especially my emotional health seems to have gotten worse over the last 3 to 4 years. The doctor's have basically said it was analytical depression. I never heard of such. I do know that when I am trying to solve complex mathematical or technical problems that the depression is worse...almost unbearable.

Trying to figure out why God was not responding to my prayers for this to go away, I realized that He is the one that made me this way. That I can bring myself to such a state in order to solve problems that others around me cannot. I decided to call this dreaded thing something else...a gift!

When we look at our pain and what positive aspects it brings out in us, we can start looking at pain in a new light. We can't always see it at first because we focus too much on the pain itself.

My sister had leukemia. During the entire treatment time she became a light to everyone around her. She decided to see cancer as a way to communicate God's love to everyone else.

I know someone else that sees any pain they have as a gift. Their reason is, "If I can feel just one percent of the suffering that Christ went through for me, it just brings me that much closer to Him".

Kathy said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. Such a beautifully written post.

Everything is os much harder when colored with health problems:( It's harder to make good decisions and really perform at your A game on any level. I too have been thinking thorugh a lot of the same issues. For me, it all comes back to contentment and coveting. This is where He has me. My prayer is that your health issues will be reconciled and this suffering will only be for a time. but even if not, we do know that He and only He can make something beautiful out of it all.

Camille said...

Pryaing for you my friend.

In HIS Love,

Isaiah 26:3-4

The Adventures of a Simple Life said...

This is going to sound harsh, but I say it with love...I thank God for your illness. For through it, you have grown in Him, trusted more in Him, your faith has grown, and you have learned more and more of the faithfulness of a great Father in heaven who loves you, His child,and has ordained this for your good.

I do pray, however, God will heal you, if it be His will, and restore you great health.I know sickness can be hard, on you and your family...

Been missing you!

His bondservant said...

Thank you Christine. I appreciate your prayers.

Anonymous said...

Great post! I empathise with you. I suffer from a myriad of health problems and have a special section in my blog for Christian women who suffer from chronic illness. I call us "Sacrificial HomeKeepers" Your worth is not dependent on how fast you spin your wheel... I believe as long as we try to overcome that we are every bit as much Proverbs 31 women as our more able bodied Sisters in the LORD. I wish I could give you a gentle holy hug, but this will have to do. {{hugs}} I am praying for you, my friend. Blessings, Glenys