Emotional Times

Have you ever had one of those days? Weeks? Months? You know, those days when you felt like everything started going downhill as soon as your feet touched the floor? I have been having some of those days lately...that's one of the reasons I haven't written on my blog in almost a week. Since my dh left for the desert, I haven't gotten much sleep. I never sleep well when he is away from me. One can take that pretty well when it is a night or two here or there, but when you are looking at a whole year, well, I am sure you get the picture. Saturday will mark three weeks, and the children have gotten sick for the first time since he left this past week. There are certain things I dread more than others. One of them is going through sickness with my children alone. They have had such health issues in the past and so much of it has been scary for me, that I still get nervous thinking about them getting sick...wondering if this will mean another ER visit. It is just heightened now that my husband is away from me. Thankfully, we did not have to face that this time...and the worst of it seems to be over. Three children have been sick...we will see if the other two catch it. My husband is such a stabilizing force for me. He is the calm, cool, collected one. I am the nervous worrier! I have gotten better over the years, but that area is still a huge struggle in my Christian walk.

It seems as though things have gotten harder these past few days, instead of easier. It is as if one goes through emotional stages during separation. The idea of how long it will be before Daddy gets home is just beginning to sink into the hearts and minds of the children. Day follows day follows day without Daddy walking through the door. We haven't even eaten at the big table...preferring to stay in the kitchen because the big table reminds us even more of the empty seat at the head. Evenings are incredibly lonely. Daddy is not there to play his special games. He always has a way of making even the seemingly mudane tasks of life seem spectacular. He always made us laugh. I miss that so very much. I could use a good laugh right now. It is heartbreaking not to hear him lead us in devotionals every night.

I am tired...spiritually, emotionally and physically. But, I know I am not the only one that has ever experienced heartache. Life brings heartache of one kind or another to all of us. Anyone who reads this is either experiencing some now, has already in the past, and will most definitely experience some more in the futrue if we live long enough! It is at times like this I ask myself...what do I do with this heartache? I find that caring for sick children around the clock, homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, etc. can cause me to easily miss my time with God. Isn't it easy sometimes to neglect the most important thing because all those other things are so urgent? But, it is in neglecting the important, that I see how I fail in accomplishing the urgent. No matter how many things I check off my to-do list, they are never done as well, or in as sweet a spirit as when I make time to spend with God. So, I run to the One who gives me strength in the time of such emotional and physical turmoil.

Isaiah 40:31 says, "But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Lord, I am waiting. Thank You for Your strength, because I am weak and weary.