Training Children in Godliness ~ A Contagious Affair

First of all, before I get into today's topic, I want to thank all of you that were so gracious to pray for my recovery.  I am still not 100%, but feeling better and I thank you so much for your prayers.  Since we are finishing up the remnants of a virus in our home, I thought it appropriate to talk about contagious diseases.  If you have a large family, you know how easy it is for one person to get a virus of some kind and then within 24 to 72 hours after that first person gets it, someone else starts showing signs.  At this rate, what should have been a 7-10 day virus, with a large family can take up to a month to eradicate it from the home.  Wouldn't it be nice if instead of catching viruses form others, we could easily catch good health?  I don't know about you, but I would be finding the healthiest family I know and having my children shadow them for days to get good health.  That sounds a little ridiculous doesn't it?  Trying to catch good health.  But, what is true in the physical in this case, is also true in the spiritual.

Why is it when we would never dare to have our children around those who have strep throat, whooping cough, or the flu, yet we allow them to be in the company of other children who are far more dangerous to them spiritually?  We justify our actions sometimes by saying how much our children can be an influence for good to others.  There is a great difference in witnesses and immersing yourself in a friendship with an unbeliever.  Even adults do not withstand that type of temptation, so why do we think our children can?  The truth is that it is easier to go with the culture and allow our children to associate with those of questionable character because everyone else is doing it.  We send our children to functions of all kinds...some even in the church, where they are constantly in contact with children who are poor influences. 

And then, after spending time with these influences, we wonder why there is a sudden change in our children's behavior?  When my oldest daughter was about six years old, we were living in a neighborhood where many children would spend time outside playing.  There was a particular little girl who was not watched by her parents and would roam the neighborhood.  She would come down often and want to play with my daughter.  After just two afternoons with this girl, my daughter developed a defiant attitude toward me.  Just two afternoons!  I told her she was no longer allowed to play with this little girl because a true friend is one that causes us to be more like Jesus, not less.  My daughter went back to respecting my authority just by keeping her away from this child.  So, what is a parent to do?  Be as diligent in the associations that your children have as you are in whether they play out in the street where cars are passing.  Be aware parent that your children's associations will do one of two things...make them more like Christ, or less.  There is no middle ground.  The same is true with adults.  If I spend time with women that bash and denegrate their husbands on a daily basis...is that going to help me in my marriage?  Certainly not.  I have seen too many adults that were professing Christians go the way of the world just because they started being close friends with those that were ungodly.  I Corinthians 15:33 says, "Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners."  We still battle an evil flesh...one that does not easily withstand temptation.  Why do we expect our children to withstand more than we are able to do?  Watch your children's friends and put an end to relationships that are ungodly.  To allow them to continue is detrimental to your child's eternal health...and that is far more important than their physical.  Remember one bad apple spoils the whole bunch.  Have you ever seen one good apple make all the bad ones good again?  It doesn't happen in the physical and it doesn't happen in the spiritual.  Guard your children...you won't regret it.

Training Children in Godliness ~ A Far-Sighted Focus

Ever since I was in fourth grade, I have had to wear either glasses or contact lenses for my severe case of near-sightedness.  My husband and four out of our five chilren, on the other hand, are all far-sighted.  Just as there are two camps of vision, there seems to be two similar camps in parenting.  It is very importat in traning our children to have the right vision.

It is so easy at times to be the near sighted parent  The type that looks at the urgency of the moment and keeps their vision focused on those things that are "near."  Things like homework, extra-curricular activities, academic success, successful careers, etc.  If you ask the majority of parents today, their goals for their children consist of getting good grades, not making too many mistakes when they are under our care and finding a successful and fulfilling career.  Now, please do not misunderstand me.  I am not saying any of these goals are wrong.  But, what I am saying is they should not be the most important goals a parent, especially a Christian parent, should have for his/her children.  A Christian parent needs to devlop a far-sighted focus. 

What does God say is a sucess in life?  The Bible says we are to love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength and love our neighbor as ourselves.(Matthew 22:37-39) We need to start looking at the long range goal of parenting.  If your son becomes a world famous neurosurgeon and yet does not follow this one commandment, the Bible calls him a failure.  So why is there a tendency to focus so much on what this world calls success?

Far-sighted parenting changes everything.  Instead of asking questions like this," How is this activity going to pad my child's portfolio for college?" We will begin to filter everything through the lense of eternity.  Not what I want my child to be by the time he/she reaches college, but what I want my child to be far beyond that point.  So, then we will be asking questions more along this line, "Does this activity bring my child closer to the goal of loving the Lord, or further away?  Will the influences my child is around make them more or less godly?  Will this activity prepare my daughter to be a godly wife and mother, or my son to be a godly leader/protector?"  If not, it doesn't matter how many other children are doing it, or what your immediate family thinks about it, or how strangely people may look at you.  We are supposed to be separate anyway...a called out people, set apart for the glory of God.

God says there are only two types of people, those who are for Him and those who are against Him. (Matthew 12:30) We get so indoctrinated in our culture sometimes that we don't realize there is nothing truly neutral in this life.  The curriculum we choose, the activities we place our children in, the music we listen to, the movies we watch...they are either pleasing to God, or not.  And when we have a far-sighted focus, then we begin to see life as God intended us to view it, through the lense of eternity.

So today, let us pray that God gives us a far-sighted vision for our children.  One that looks at the far reaching consequences of behavior problems and important decisions.  Because at the end of this life, the only thing that will bring peace and comfort to your children is knowing they are in a right relationship with the One who created them.  And there is no amount of activities, academic successes, and successful careers that will ever be able to take the place of it.  In the words penned by Stephen Olford's father to his son, "My son, this is the of utmost importance : Only one life 'twill soon be past, only what's done for Christ will last." God bless you my friends!

Training Children in Godliness

Technically this is the beginning of my series in training daughters to be Proverbs 31 women, but to effectively do that, we must cover some of the basics of parenting and that applies to both girls and boys.  So, my hope is that we will cover the basics of parenting and then once we do that, move on to specifics with training daughters.  I will tell you from the very beginning, I do not come to this subject as a perfect parent.  I have made many mistakes and know there will be more that I do make.  I am not an expert on parenting, but I do know the One who is.  It is His knowledge I hope to impart, because really His knowledge is all that is worthy of repeating.  God does have a manual for training our children.  It is called the Bible.  So as simple as this first idea may sound, I would recommend that you only and always defer to His Word when it comes to how to raise your children.  Everything we need for instruction in righteousness can be found in the Word.  Oftentimes we do not go to the Word for our answers.  We go to modern psychology, or parenting experts, or to our neighbours and friends and we never stop to read what God has already said on the issue. 

Now, I am not saying that we should not seek help from others.  The Bible clearly talks about Titus 2 women training younger women in respecting their husbands and teaching their children.  What I am saying is that if those friends, experts, neighbours do not give you advice based on the Word of God, then dismiss it.  If you ever feel anything I say is of my own understanding and not founded on God's principles, then I want you to reject that as well. 

So, my first piece of advice would be to immerse yourself in the Bible, and while you are doing that, immerse your children in the Word as well.  How many times during a day do your children hear the Word of God read?  Almost everyday in our home we have two devotionals.  I do one with the children in the morning and my husband leads one in the evenings.  But, what if your children do not sit still?  Train them to do so.  Having quiet times of sitting while you read the Bible and pray is a good practice for young ones.  At two years of age, our youngest was able to sit still for Bible reading and prayer.  While they are young, we would only read a few verses and pray.  Now our youngest is five and we read chapters aloud, pray and even try to sing many times.  This is the time that your children will remember the Word.  I am amazed at how many Bible verses my oldest has memorized just by hearing the Bible repeated to her day after day.   

God said His Word will not return to Him void.  What better way can we begin to train our children in righteousness than by filling their minds and hearts with God's Word?  Many of us read many other books to our children.  We allow them to play video games and watch DVD's.  If they can sit still for those things, they can sit still to feast on what is far more important for their souls.  And quite frankly, for ours as well.  We used to read Bible storybooks to our children and I am not saying that many of those are not good.  We just found that our children understand so much more than we give them credit for and we felt that reading the infallible Word of God was far greater to them.  I have found that many Bible storybooks take great liberties with the Scripture, leaving out crucial parts and inserting things that were never intended to be there in the first place.  Did you know that when Moses would read the law to the Israelites, he read it to whole families?  That's right...men, women, young people, infants...it was a Word from God and that made it important for everyone to hear.  Deut. 31:11 When all Israel is come to appear before the LORD thy God in the place which he shall choose, thou shalt read this law before all Israel in their hearing.

So there is the precedent for our family...found in the Word of God.  We have seen it make such a difference in our children.  So, if you read to your children from the Word, I admonish you to keep on and maybe even challenge you to do more.  The Bible is one book that will never be a waste and the one book you can never read too much.  May the Lord bless you as you train your children for His glory!

Understanding Our Children's Struggles ~ Part One

As a mother, one of the greatest gifts of love we can give to our children is to understand and sympathize with the struggles they are going through.  But, if you are like me, sometimes it is hard to remember just what it was like to be a child and experience spiritual, emotional and physical difficulties on their level.  It is easy to get caught up in the "lofty" matters of life and forget that our children's concerns are just as lofty to them as ours are to us.  It is easy to trivialize their heartaches.  You have heard adults do this, I am sure.  "Oh, when you grow up, this will be so meaningless to you...you will have so many other bigger problems to be concerned about."  If you are like me, adults have said the same thing to you when you were a child.  And, if you are like me, you felt hurt when they said it...as if, once again, you just couldn't find someone to understand the heartache that at that moment was so real.  It is hard sometimes for us as mothers to get down to a child's level and really empathize with them.  But, it is so needful.  Our Savior does that to us.  He does that to them.  And He is our example that we should emulate in all things.  I suppose most of our struggles could look rather insignificant to governing all of creation...and yet our Heavenly Father lovingly listens to our hurts and struggles and cares deeply for the pain we are experiencing.  I don't know about you, but I want to be that type of an example to my children.  God brought this to my attention the other day through the writing of my daughter and the words from a wonderful book I am  currently reading.  How did God use those two to remind me of this very important point?  In a way only He can do.  I will share it with you next post.  It is a little long, so for those Mommys that do not have time to sit down and read lengthy writings, I will break it up in two parts.  In the meantime, let us pray that God gives us an understanding heart when it comes to the struggles and concerns of our children.  And in so doing, we will become more and more like the Savior we serve. 

Teaching Our Children to Give

It seems like an odd topic, especially with the holidays right around the corner. How do we teach our children to give?  How do we instill in them what the Bible says, that it is more blessed to give than to receive?  The way most people seem to be frantically shopping for the newest and latest toy or fad that their children want, it seems like a foreign concept.  But, as Christians, it is our duty to teach Biblical principles, rather than wordly ones.  I am always amazed that people say they are worshipping the Christ-child at Christmastime, yet how many people ever give Him a gift?  How do we worship Christ and continue to amass things to ourselves?  People in stores just get more and more selfish and frustrated.  They push and shove and even fight one another to get the latest technological gadget.  How do we model a different way of giving?  First of all, I will tell you that our family does not have all the answers.  We do not have it all wrapped up.  We are simply sinners saved by grace, and nothing more.  These are some of the ways we try to teach giving to our children.  God may lead your family to approach it differently. 

1)  Giving must be taught year round.  It is not enough to give gifts to others at Christmas or birthdays...it should be a way of life for a Christian.  How much of your income goes to helping orphans, widows, the persecuted church, your home church?  These things are a way of life, not a one-time splurge when the mood hits.  Christian living is sacrificial living.  How about sponsoring a child from Compassion?  How about making bags of essentials for persecuted Christians who have lost everything for naming the name of Christ?  What about giving monthly to an organization that has blessed your family and needs the funds to further their ministries...Lamplighter, Vision Forum, etc.  A tenth of our tithe is the minimum requirement...what about giving more?  And that tenth should be before the government takes our money for taxes.  God comes first.  He should never get the leftovers.  We have chosen as a family to sponsor three children through Compassion International in Africa.  We allowed our children to choose the sponsored children.  They chose the ones who had been waiting the longest for a sponsor and who were in the AIDS infested areas of Africa.  My oldest daughter has freely given money given to her to help these children.  Showing our children what other children around the world are facing makes them understand their blessings, as well as their responsibilities to help others in the name of Christ.

2)  We give regularly to the persecuted church.  We pray for Christians being persecuted in other places because of their faith.  We receive the Voice of the Martyrs magazine and the children see what it means to name the name of Christ.  They realize how much we take for granted in this Western culture of ours.  It is a good reminder. 

3)  We limit what our children see by way of magazines and such.  We do not do TV, so they are not bombarded with the latest commercials for toys and such.  But, we cannot stop people from sending those free catalogs around this time  of year that is chocked full of toys.  So, most times before they enter the house, they are thrown away.  We choose the catalogs they view.  Right now those consist of Vision Forum, Lamplighter,  and Keepers of the Faith. 

These are just a few of the ways we try to instill giving in our children.  And we have begun to see fruit of those labors.  Another by product of this is that our children don't ask for expensive gifts and my problem is usually trying to think of something to get them because they do not ask for much.  My oldest daugther (14) has asked for a journal, books (such as Joyfully at Home) and a small purse.  My son (9) has asked for a $12 pop gun from Vision Forum, a police coloring book and he wants to learn how to play chess.  My daughter (7) wants some Betsy-Tacy books and a journal.  My son (6) wants deodorant (to be like Daddy), chapstick and a $12 pop gun.  And my youngest (4) wants a stuffed guinea pig, a drawing pad, a housecoat and a $12 pop gun!!!  She tells me she is going hunting with the boys!  What a blessing it is to get a list such as this! May we as mothers continue to teach our children that it is truly better to give then to receive.  The best way to do this is always by modeling.  May the Lord teach us to be givers...what better way to show the world the love of Christ today and everyday!

Wonderful Book to Read

I am reading through a wonderful book right now by John S. C. Abott entitled, "The Mother at Home."  It is a wonderful book, full of timely advice from a Biblical perspective.  Here is just one quote from the book.

"She (the mother) must learn to control herself; to subdue her own passions; she must set her children an example of meekness and of equanimity, or she must reasonably expect that all her efforts to control their passions will be ineffectual.  A child gets irritated and strikes his sister; and the mother gets irritated and whips the chid.  Now, both mother and child have been guilty of precisely the same crime.  They have both been angry, and both in anger have struck another.  And what is the effect of this sinful punishment?  It may make the child afraid to strike his sister again but will it teach that child that he has done wrong that it is wicked to be angry?  Can it have any salutary effect upon his heart?  He sees this his mother is irritated, and thus is he taught that it it proper for him to be angry...This self-control, at all times, and under all circumstances, is one of the most important and most difficult things to be acquired."

Looking Forward to Watching This Documentary

If you are interested in keeping an eye on this movie, you can access their website here.  They have the latest information about the movie and more clips that you can watch. 

Our Family Truths ~ Evaluating Reading Materials ~ Part One

One of the things I enjoy most about blogging is being able to keep what I call an online journal.  I am able to write about so many things that are going on in our lives and put my thoughts down in a somewhat organized, succinct way...although there are many times I feel like a rambling blogger!  But, I thought it would be beneficial to let you all know a little bit more about the Fowlers besides the little glimpses of our lives.  I thought it would be nice to let you step inside our philosophies of life and share with you how we feel the Lord has led us in making certain decisions for our family.  I do want to say however, that I am NOT sharing this to say that if your family does not follow these guidelines they are wrong.  What your family does must be done in light of Scripture, prayer, the leadership of your husbands and the personal vision you feel is best for your family.  The things I hope to share with you over the next few months are areas God has spoken specifically to OUR family.  However, I do believe the Bible is very clear about what it addresses.  It is not a book of grey areas...on the commandments God states in scripture, there is no debate.  What God calls sin is sin whether your family or my family interprets it that way or not.  I read a quote just recently that I really like...it went like this.  "Right is still right if no one is doing it and wrong is still wrong if everyone is doing it."  In our society, where so many things the Bible calls sin is the norm, that is something that would be well worth remembering.  
      One of the first areas the Lord directed us when we were young parents was in the area of reading materials.  What is appropriate for our children to read?  What is a proper criteria to judge a book we would buy to add to our in-home library?  This is not always an easy assignment and as we have grown in our role of parenting, our views have shifted over the years.  We try desperately to look for materials first of all that are Christ honoring.  Therefore, we have a lot of books from publishers like Lamplighter and continue to add these to our library when monies allow.  It is so important to watch what our children read.  Books truly do influence us for good or for evil.  I can see that many things I read as a child had negative influences on me and helped form ungodly ideas in my thinking.  Therefore, we try to evaluate books before the children have a chance to read them.  We have also found that we have trusted certain curriculum choices and bought books that we have later gotten rid of because they did not match our families philosophies.  So, how do we go about evaluating books?

1.  Does it honor Christ?  That should always be the first question when deciding on reading material.  Not every book we have is written by a Christian author.  Many of the classics are not written by Christians.  But, just because they are deemed "classics" doesn't mean our children have to read all of them.  How many adults do you know today that are versed in all the classics?  We try to make sure that our desire to provide our children the best education possible never trumps our desire to encourage them in Godly living.

2.  What religious views does the author hold?  Everyone comes from a religious viewpoint.  Even athiests, by not believing in a god, hold to a god-less religion.  Those views will influence every aspect of who they are, and in turn, will influence their writings.  If you read a book by a feminist author, often times you will find women in the story who feel trapped by their homelife.  They "want more."  Many times they will usurp the God given roles of their fathers and husbands to make a "better" life for themselves.  Don't underestimate how these "ideas" put in the form of a well-written story can influence young minds.  What is the author's view of family?  Every author has one...does it promote what you are teaching your children?  This is the very reason we stopped reading the Berestain Bears books.  In most of those books, you will find the father is portrayed as a weakling.  The mother is the only one who seems to know what to do in situations...and the children just humor their father...well, because that is just the way Dad is.  This attitude of showing men as weak and ignorant is pervasive in our culture...we certainly do not want to promote these ideas in the books we read to our children.

3.  Does it have occultic practices?  You would think this would be an easy one huh?  I thought so too.  We don't do Harry Potter because of it.  However, we have been great fans of "Lord of the Rings."  Well, that is written by a Christian right?   And for the record, I am not trying to put into question Tolkein's salvation.  However, whether I like it or not, the character Gandalf in those books is a wizard and God is perfectly clear about His view on the subject of witches and wizardry.  I would not have had a problem with the book if Gandalf had been portrayed as evil.  But, how can I read in the Bible that God calls this wicked and then read to my children about Gandalf the "good wizard?" 

   "When thou art come into the land which the LORD they God giveth thee, thou shalt not learn to do after the abominations of those nations:  There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch, or a chamrer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a nercromancer, for all that do these things are an abomination unto the LORD and because of these abominations the LORD they God doth drive them out from before thee."  Deut.  18:9-11

 Remember that TV show "Bewitched?"  Once again, calling good what the Lord has called evil.  Merlin in "King Arthur" is also troublesome to me.  Some would say that we are overreacting.  After all, isn't "Lord of the Rings" Christian in its themes?  Well, good does win out over evil.  But, if that "good" is made of up a wizard, would God call that good? When I know what God says about sorcery, I really cannot imagine sitting down and reading these as bedtime stories to my children if He were sitting there listening in person.  If I err, I prefer to do it with a heart that takes what God says as He says it, rather than making excuses for why this practice is acceptable.  This was probably the hardest decision for me personally.  The "Lord of the Rings" books were my favorites as a child and I did read them to my children years ago.  But, I never felt easy about the wizardry and it was my husband that made the decision to not make these books reading material for our children anymore.  I finally had to come to the conclusion that at times, I value my pleasure (reading, viewing, etc.) above God's commandments.  To water down what God calls evil is just allowing me to get used to the dark.  If I do not make a distinction with my children now, then when they leave my house, will they watch things that dabble in this area?  Will games, computer and otherwise be acceptable, that have "good" witches, wizards and warlocks?  I don't want my children to justify such practices to me by saying, "Well, you and Dad let us read ______, or watch_____." 

I hope to post part two in a couple of days.  Pray about what you are reading to your children.  Does it honor God?  Does it fit with your families goals in training your children?  God bless!  Until next time! 

Moments with Mommy

This weekend Joy and I had a wonderful time just spending some mother/daughter time.  It is so hard sometimes to find time one on one with our children.  What with homeschooling, the size of our family, chores, and everything else that goes along with managing a home, it is difficult to cultivate those special times to get to know our children and spend special time with them by themselves.  After talking it over with my dh, we came up with a plan to take each of our children out somewhere just one on one periodically.  I would start with the oldest and go down.  He would start with the youngest and go up.  I would be the first...and next time, it is his turn.  That way, no child is waiting too long before they have that special parent time.  In between some of these special times, we are going to be deliberate in making sure we plan times that we can all be together as a family and do things as well.  It looks as though we will not be able to take vacation as we had hoped this summer, so these are our mini-vacations!  It is a way to keep our children's hearts and hopefully it will provide lovely memories they will have for a lifetime.

This is before we left the house for our day out.  We had lunch at Jason's Deli.  Then, I took Joy to the yarn store to replenish her stock of yarn so she could finish her afghan. 

Aren't these yarn colors beautiful?  The store is a small one, but just lovely with all the delightful looking colors.

Once we left the yarn store, we headed downtown to the quilt store.  We were surrounded by so many different gorgeous fabrics, it was hard to see it all. 

There were quilts all over the walls as decoration.  I really like this one with the appliqued picture.  The flowers we made out of buttons!

This was another quilt on the wall.  I really like the colors of this one, too.

Afterwards, Joy and I went into a few more stores downtown.  We found some out of print Landmark books...that was a great deal!  Then we got a couple of drinks from a nearby gas station and headed to the park to just sit on a bench and enjoy the day together.

Now this was a most unexpected sight at the park.  At a distance...I thought this beautiful Macaw might just be fake...but it most certainly was not.  And when we arrived at this bench...his owner was no where in sight.  We were quite perplexed to say the least.

This is Joy "talking" with the bird.

After we had taken a few shots of the bird, the owner came back and allowed Joy to get a picture with the bird on her shoulder.  Then he talked with us for quite some time and we learned so much about parrots!  It was quite fascinating.  This particular bird goes with him lots of places, doesn't fly off and eats hamburgers, spaghetti, mac and cheese and while we were there he had a few french fries!

This is the owner showing us a few of his bird tricks.  We really enjoyed talking with him about his bird.

The next few pictures are of the nusery we went to after the park.  The flowers were amazing.  We both are extremely fond of flowers.  It is so nice to share some of these same interests with my children.  Joy has become a close friend as well as my daughter. 

We ended the day with aching feet, but happy hearts.  I have a feeling this is going to be one of the nicest alternatives to a vacation that we have ever had!  She thanked me many times for taking her and told me how much she enjoyed spending time with me alone.  But you know, I believe I was the one that was blessed the most!  I encourage you, if you do not already, make time to take your children out one on one.  It doesn't have to be for a long time and you don't even have to spend any money.  Just a time to let them know they have your undivided attention.  Just remember, you are investing for an eternity.  Shalom!